


I need help

by Nachsie



Series: We're not going to make it [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Sam, Alpha Sam Winchester, Blood and Injury, Depression, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Gabriel, Postpartum Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 17:02:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10948887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachsie/pseuds/Nachsie
Summary: Gabriel is not doing okay, and the more time goes on the more hollow he feels. Castiel is worry about Gabriel. He needs to tell Sam, but will Sam be able to understand the hard truth...that Gabriel's not okay...?





	I need help

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Gabriel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Gabriel sat laying on his bed his head over the end of the bed in the other room, staring at his daughter’s crib as Sam walked around him getting dressed for work, Gabriel’s hand sliding down his stomach hesitantly. 

 

He was expecting number two…

 

Sam focused on his shoes sitting in a chair by the door. How much he missed him….yet he was always so close...it was an odd feeling. Being so close to someone but knowing they were just out of reach...

 

Gabriel stared at Sam who seemed upside down because of Gabriel’s position on the bed. His back on the bed, his head bent back on the edge of the bed. He softly reached for Sam who glanced up slightly noticing, taking his hand softly with a loving laugh. Sam pressed kisses against his hand which Gabriel didn’t react.

 

“What are you doing, silly?” Sam asked as Gabriel stared so emotionlessly. 

 

“Wondering why you are so far away...when you’re so close,” Gabriel whispered as Sam shook his head. Sam pressed a kiss against his hand again getting up. 

 

“You’re so weird sometimes.” Sam softly touched Gabriel’s noise, before he kissed his head before heading out. Gabriel watched him go his hand still outstretch long after Sam had gone. Gabriel slowly dropped it and continued to stare at the crib. He could hear light fussing but Elena calmed herself…

 

Gabriel softly sat up and sat on the bed upright, pulling his knees to his chest he stared at the crib before placing his head on his knees staring at the crib. He...felt so hollow. He touched his stomach, sliding his hand over his belly…

 

He felt like someone had a hole punched him in the stomach. Every time he felt his stomach he expected his hand just to go through. He expected to touch the pillows that lay against his back…

 

However, every time he touched his belly he felt skin. 

 

He felt...nothing for the small little jelly bean growing inside him.

 

He heard Elena make a noise but he didn’t move, holding his breath till she calmed. 

 

...why didn’t he feel anything for her too?

 

Gabriel crumpled into himself when Elena started to cry, Gabriel took a bit to respond slowly sliding out from the safety of his bed he moved to feed her with the formula he ‘didn’t’ use and was ‘selling’.

 

She was peaceful now as she sucked the bottle happily, Gabriel was getting better at getting the temperature right. She would get so full of life, when Gabriel made it a bit on the hotter side she would suck so much happier. When it was warm she wouldn’t drink much of it. Cold, however, she drank slowly and took her time. She was an interesting little thing. 

 

Gabriel watched her suck the bottle, finishing it happily he moved to burp her taking a seat in his bed. His bed was his...sanctuary...normally he hid from his problems. Now...he had no space. He couldn’t escape his problems…

 

He had a part of his reality growing inside him. 

 

She let out a loud burp that seemed to upset her, she whimpered at the feeling as Gabriel laid her on the bed. He softly touched her hands as she cried, trying to calm her..or have her eventually calm herself. However, she never did. 

 

Gabriel picked her up carrying her to the car and slid her into the car seat. She fussed louder, but Gabriel climbed into the driver's seat putting soft music in the car. Gabriel drove around in silence, listening to the music that slowly lulled to sleep his little daughter. Gabriel said nothing, as the screaming soon stopped. 

 

Gabriel drove and drove, stopping only when he felt a wave of nausea. Gabriel pulled off to the side of the road on a windy mountain side, moving to the edge of the road he roughly vomited. Gabriel clenching his stomach as he emptied stomach acid from his belly. 

 

Gabriel apologized to any wildlife he may have vomited on below before he noticed how...far it was...Gabriel stared down the sheer drop below. Gabriel lightly kicked a small rock that fell straight down. Gabriel listened in hopes the rock could help him determine how far the drop really was. But the sound of the little rock hitting was just that...a sound. Gabriel moved a bit closer to the edge almost as though to see the bottom, little pebbles fell with the smaller rock because Gabriel’s feet were too close to the edge, and Gabriel continued to lean. 

 

When Elena’s cry’s snapped him back upright, Gabriel almost...felt a twinge of...disappointment he couldn’t place as he moved back to the car. Taking a seat again, his eyes didn’t move to the baby in the back as he started the car again and drove off again. 

 

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Gabriel sat in the bath, the water over his body as the sound of Sam’s wheelchair going up the ramp to the house. Gabriel softly tensed into himself, curling into himself, as he laid deeper into the water, as Sam opened the door to the house. 

 

“Gabriel?” Sam called as Gabriel said nothing the water covering his mouth. He listened to the sound of Sam moving towards the crib. “Hey baby girl, what are you doing alone?” 

 

Gabriel buried his face under the water, letting the water fade everything around him as Gabriel opened the eyes under the water watching small bubbles go to the surface. Gabriel hesitantly opened his mouth breathing out the air. He breathed out till he couldn’t, Gabriel forced himself up to breath as he gasped and panting. 

 

Gabriel covered his face breathing happily for the air till Gabriel laid back in the tub. Knocking on the bathroom door made Gabriel get up from the tub, Gabriel put a towel around his waist as moved to open the door. Sam sat in his wheelchair in front of it holding Elena who was half awake. 

 

“Hi, honey,” Gabriel spoke with a smile he always had with Sam. Never was it fake with Sam. He pressed a kiss to Sam’s Lips. 

 

“You left Elena alone again,” Sam spoke eyeing him with concern. 

 

“I’m sorry baby. I just wanted a quick bath. The baby made me not feel good.” Gabriel lied. It was easier to lie now, he could blame any indiscretions on the baby. Sam hesitantly nodded pressing a hand to Gabriel’s belly. 

 

“Hello, little one.” Sam Winchester whispered as Gabriel said nothing watching Sam touching the hole in his belly. Gabriel was once again surprised when Sam’s hand didn’t go through. He remembered when he found out he was expecting Elena...the world seemed so...big...and he seemed...smaller...but now? He seemed even smaller...and the world seemed so much bigger. 

 

He felt like the world was consuming him whole. 

 

“Gabriel?” Sam spoke as Gabriel snapped his thoughts away. “Are you  _ sure _ you’re okay?”

 

“Of course.” Gabriel laughed...he was just hollow.

 

“You’ve been acting weird.” Sam frowned softly touching Gabriel’s hips. 

 

“I’m just pregnant, babe,” Gabriel stated trying to brush it off. Sam looked like he wasn’t going to drop it.

 

“Promise me you are okay,” Sam stated. 

 

“Babe!” Gabriel laughed cupping his face. “Of course!”    
  
“...Okay.” Sam hesitated, as Gabriel kissed his lips repeatedly before walking past. 

 

“I’ll get dressed and we could watch a movie okay?” Gabriel spoke. 

 

“Okay…” Sam stated. “....I’ll get dinner started. What would you like?”

 

“Um...anything?” Gabriel laughed as he moved to dress. Sam watched him hesitantly before he smiled down at his sleeping daughter and moved to put her in his crib.

 

Gabriel moved away to his bedroom, closing the door he closed his eyes and rubbed his face. Taking his time before getting dressed before owning him. 

 

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**Sam’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


Sam spoke, wheeling his wheelchair around a conference front as he addressed his friends and coworkers on some issues the video game needed to fix from the testing they had done. Sam’s eyes fell towards the door which Castiel leaned against watching curiously, Sam’s eyes only taking him in for a second before he continued his speech. When he was done everyone clapped and happily got up to go through with his plans to improve the game. Sam’s eyes were drawn to Castiel who softly clapped looking at him affectionately.

 

“Thank you, Thank you.” Sam bowed as Castiel laughed.

 

“Look at you running your own company.” Castiel chuckled. “I remember helping you with your first rut, now you’re a business owner and a father.”

 

“Time flies,” Sam confessed as Castiel moved to sit at the desk. “What’s up with the surprise visit, don’t tell me you are just here avoiding work.”

 

“No, I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” Castiel stated. 

 

“About what?” Sam asked taking a sip of water. “Want to get some food?” 

 

“Raincheck,” Castiel spoke with a soft smile. “I actually have to get back. I’m on lunch.” 

 

“Oh.” Sam chuckled, putting his cup down. “What’s up?”

 

“....have you...noticed Gabriel’s been acting odd?” Castiel hesitated.

 

“Yeah, well. He’s pregnant.” Sam stated. “I would expect him to be.” 

 

“I don’t think that’s it,” Castiel confessed. Sam eyed him.

 

“Then what do you think it is?” Sam spoke.

 

“...Dean seems to think he has Postpartum depression.” Castiel sighed holding his hands. Sam paused noticeably. 

 

“What?” Sam choked out. “What makes you think that?”

 

“He’s...been visiting Dean in secret, to help with Elena,” Castiel stated. “From what he told me...I tend to agree. I think he has it too.” 

 

“What? He’s a new mom.” Sam stated. “I don’t understand what’s wrong with asking for help.” 

 

“He’s not doing okay, Sam,” Castiel spoke. “I’m worried about my baby brother.”

 

“What  _ exactly _ has he been doing to cause you to worry?” Sam asked as Castiel hesitated. 

 

“Dean...told me I couldn’t say…” Castiel glanced away. 

 

“I’m his mate, of course, you could say,” Sam stated. “If you have legit proof you can say something.”

 

“...” Castiel sighed. “Look. I promised my mate I wouldn’t say but we need to come up with a plan to help him through this. I mean, You must have noticed the signs and not realized-.” 

 

“He’s my MATE and the LOVE OF MY LIFE!” Sam snapped upset that something like that would go unnoticed by him. “You’re wrong, I would have noticed him sleeping or crying a lot.” Sam turned away leaving the room.

 

“Depression has many forms, sam,” Castiel stated. “This isn’t a comment on your alpha manhood. I think Gabriel needs help! I didn’t notice it either till dean pointed it out. He’s put the wool over all our eyes-!”

 

“I WOULD NOTICE!” Sam snapped, as Castiel said nothing staring at Sam who seemed extremely upset. “...Gabriel’s fine! I would know if my mate was in distress.” Sam turned leaving out the door. 

 

“-Sam!” Castiel sighed as he watched him go. 

 

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**Gabriel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  


Gabriel stood on the side of the road once again staring down at the fall with almost an endless bottom. Gabriel found himself...so enthralled by it. He found this becoming a daily routine, just coming to the edge and watching rocks almost jump off the edge by his presence. 

 

Gabriel would stand here till Elena snapped him out of it which he would climb back into the car and leave. 

 

“Sir?” A voice spoke as Gabriel turned to look at him. “Are you okay?” Gabriel blinked at the unfamiliar man, a jogger who Gabriel sometimes noticed running up the trails. 

 

“Yeah,” Gabriel spoke. “...why?”

 

“...It’s raining.” The man commented as Gabriel glanced up looking at the sky...when had it started raining? “I was just making sure you were okay...You are standing in the rain on the side of the road without an umbrella.”

 

“...I-I’m fine. I’m...just pregnant.” Gabriel lied. “Driving makes me nauseous.” 

 

“Okay. I was just checking.” The jogger spoke before he continued running up his path, Gabriel watched him go. Gabriel slowly turned his head towards the cliff edge his toes were over the edge. He stared at the ground watching the water pouring over the edge. 

Gabriel took a deep breath before he turned to walked back to his car. Gabriel however, felt himself falling backward not moving forwards. Gabriel yelped not being able to stop as he fell over the edge. 

 

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Gabriel’s eyes opened as he heard Elena’s sobs and whimpers echoing down the ledge as Gabriel raised his head his head bleeding, as he grunted in pain. Slowly he raised himself up, grunting every second his body moved. Putting pressure on his arm, made him scream as he recoiled and let out a sob. 

 

Looking down at his arm that was a horrid black and blue from his elbow to the middle of his palm. Gabriel whimpered as he slowly slid his other hand under his arm, scooping it up in pain he screamed as he moved to the sitting position. Taking a moment from the sickening pain before attempting to stand. Gabriel grunted in pain as he glanced down at the dirt-covered clothes, blood sliding down his leg from somewhere he didn’t know. Everything hurt. 

 

Gabriel took a second glancing up to compose himself, before he started up the rocks, climbing up them to get back up the cliff side. He was grateful the cliff side wasn’t that far down, as he moved to his car sliding into the front seat. He closed his eyes at the pain, his eyes moving down sliding down his legs realizing the blood was...coming from his crotch area. 

 

Gabriel felt his heart drop...the baby...he woke up on his stomach. The baby….he never...felt anything for the baby….but seeing the blood? Gabriel grabbed his phone, dialing the emergency number he started to sob.

 

“Hello, nine one one, what’s your emergency?” The woman on the other line spoke. 

 

“...I-I need help.” Gabriel sobbed. “My baby...I fell...please. I need help.”

 

“Help is on there way.” The woman spoke, Gabriel continued to sob hoping they would hurry, Gabriel, looked back at his daughter who pouted looking at him in so much distress. 

 

“It’s okay...Elena.” Gabriel whispered as he cried reaching a bloody hand to touch her foot that calmed her, small tears sliding down her face. “It’s okay...mommy gots you.”

  
  


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Gabriel fed Elena with the bottle the hospital provided, she hungrily looked around as Gabriel’s arms shook supporting the weight of her and the cast. However, he didn’t want to let her go, tears sliding down his face as he shook.

 

The door to the room opened, as he glanced up to see Sam pushing his way in, looking panicked as Gabriel eyed him. Sam moved to him in a panic, seeing the state his mate was in. 

 

“I’m okay,” Gabriel whispered. “A little beat up and-” Sam’s eyes fell to Gabriel’s belly, as Gabriel’s eyes fell to it too. Tears welled in his eyes as Gabriel broke down. “T-They haven’t told me if they are okay.” 

 

“Gabe?” Sam whispered as Gabriel sobbed.

 

“It’s all my fault.” Gabriel cried. “I hurt our baby.”

 

“It was an accident.” Sam took his hand a bright pink cast held up their daughter. 

 

“This time. Yes.” Gabriel sobbed. “...but Sam...I wanted to fall down the cliff…”

 

“What?” Sam asked as Gabriel continued to sob.

 

“I...I need help, Sam…” Gabriel cried so hard he could barely breathe. “I don’t want to leave them.”

 

“Gabe?” Sam choked out.

 

“Please. I love them. God. I wish I could have realized this sooner...but I love my babies so much.” Gabriel sobbed as Sam moved to holding him, Gabriel sobbing into his neck despite how bad his ribs hurt...and Sam held him. So tightly. Sam softly held him. 

 

“It’s okay,” Sam whispered as Gabriel’s sobbed. “I’ll get you help, and it will be okay.” 

 

“Mr. Winchesters?” The doctor’s voice made them glance up, seeing the doctor at the door. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

 

“It’s alright,” Sam spoke holding Gabriel’s hand affectionately. 

 

“Do you have news?” Gabriel asked. “H-How’s my baby?”

 

“I just wanted you to know the test results were in.” The doctor stated. “And everything is fine. The baby is growing very strong and healthy.”

 

“But t-the blood?” Gabriel sobbed. “I-I was bleeding so much.”

 

“Blood from an injury during your fall. You managed to cut yourself on a sharp rock during your fall.” The doctor spoke. “The baby is fine.” Gabriel broke into sobs again, as Sam cradled him and Elena. “We will keep you in the hospital till you heal, just to make sure you both stay okay...is there anything else you need?”

 

“...Yeah.” Gabriel stated. “...I...um...think I’m suicidal…” Gabriel hesitated. “I’m depressed...I guess.”

 

“How long have you been feeling this way?” The doctor asked surprised.

 

“....Since I had Elena…” Gabriel spoke as tears sliding down his face, as the doctor took in the information. 

 

“...I have a friend who can help, a therapist, I can give him a call...and I can prescribe some medication to get you started on feeling better okay? Till then, we have some yummy pregnancy food for you, that should give you and the baby much-needed protein for healthy healing.” The doctor spoke as Gabriel nodded, the doctor giving him a light touch. “...You’re going to be feeling better in no time…” 

 

Gabriel’s eyes fell to Elena who cooed, Elena stared at him with love and….for the first time….Gabriel watched her smile at him. 

 

Yeah...Everything was going to be okay, wasn’t it?


End file.
